- 12/02 Chapter VII
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Anais Nin Says it All Perfectly
Saturday, June 20th, 2009
“You live like this, sheltered, in a delicate world, and you believe you are living.
Then you read a book… or you take a trip… and you discover that you are not living, that you are hibernating.
The symptoms of hibernating are easily detectable: first, restlessness.
The second symptom (when hibernating becomes dangerous and might degenerate into death): absence of pleasure.
That is all.
It appears like an innocuous illness.
Monotony, boredom, death.
Millions live like this (or die like this) without knowing it.
They work in offices.
They drive a car.
They picnic with their families.
They raise children.
And then some shock treatment takes place, a person, a book, a song, and it awakens them and saves them from death.
Some never awaken.”
—
Perhaps this is how I would die. Of living my life in the most monotonous way as possible. That all I say is doomed for procrastination. That all I am saying within me is all but nothing but of endless blah blah blahs. Meaningless meandering which I will hold on as grudge to myself.
I have enough of my setbacks and what-ifs that kept me to where I head on to. I was always unsure of myself though I project an exterior whos totally domineering. It never got me anywhere thus becoming my blockades. It puts me into a position that I can never really ever trust myself of what capabilities I can do. After all, Im a self proclaimed wise ass wanker, so, I must deal with it (?)
Anais Nin is right. I must stop this hibernation. Every one must stop dictating what to do with each of our fucked up lives. That we are to discover who we are.Therefore I must start reading and doing all I wanted since.
Man, if only, somebody could stop pushing me into becoming I dont.
